The BtVS/Ats Crackficathon!

[snick_backup]

It seems to me we're due for some silliness in these our beloved BtVS/Ats fandoms. Crackfic to the rescue! Fanlore defines crack as "fiction with a fundamentally ludicrous premise, or otherwise including a plethora of unbelievable, incredible, or just plain silly elements - that is, implying the author/artist must have been on drugs to produce something so insane."

So what cracky thing have you been pining for? Wingfic? Genderswap? Or maybe it's time someone wrote the fic where it really is bunnies! Whatever your crack of choice, here's the chance to read and write glorious crack for the gloriously cracky shows we love.


THINGS TO KNOW:
* Prompt fills can be one sentence, three sentences, a drabble, a ficlet, or any other length you feel moved to write.

* If your fill is too long for one comment, you're welcome to post it to your own journal and just post a link here.

* Crack often tends towards the fluffy, light-hearted side of things, but it totally doesn't have to. You want to angst that bodyswap prompt 'til it can't angst no more? Be our guest! Giggles and grief are both welcome here.

* I've turned comment notifications off on this entry, so if you have questions, feel free to reply to the question thread below.

* ETA: I've been calling this the crackficathon because I personally am ficcishly as opposed to graphically inclined, but some of these prompts are just begging for art. So if you're feeling the urge to fill a prompt with art instead of fic? I'm pretty sure NO ONE WILL MIND.


PROMPTING:
* Prompt format: [characters] - [type of crack requested] - [OPTIONAL - additional prompt (word, phrase, song lyric, etc)]

* In the title line of your fic reply, indicate [title, characters, type of crack, rating]


MASTERLIST
The masterlist of completed works is here.


SO WHAT COUNTS AS 'CRACK' ANYWAY?
Below the cut is a quick-and-dirty list (partially culled from the list of fic cliches over at the DW fanbingo comm) to help get you thinking in the right direction. Really, though, if you think something is cracky? We probably ain't going to disagree with you. Go wild!

A LIST TO GET YOU STARTED

Genderswap	Bodyswap / Bodyshare	Age Regression	Fusion with Another Fandom	Cracky Crossovers	Crack Pairings
Physical / Animal Transformation	Time Loops	Time Travel	Mpreg	Wingfic	Mary Sue / Marty Stu
Author Self-Insertion	Tentacles	Sex Pollen / Aliens Made Us Do It / etc	Truth Serum / Spells	Androids and Robots	Slavefic
Inanimate Object AU	Historical AU	Sci-fi / Space AU	Animal AU	Doppelgangers / Clones

BANNERS AND PROMOTION
Both banners by the fabulous blueteainfusion. Thanks so much, hon!


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Comments

Questions! Comments! Commentary!

[snickfic]

Okay, y'all, what did I forget to say? Tell me all about it here.

Re: Questions! Comments! Commentary!

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

OMG YAY I AM SO EXCITED!

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

The Adventures of Mr. Gordo and Feigenbaum

Toys have apocalypses too you know..

[anviloverheaven.livejournal.com]

The last thing he remembers is burning up in the basement of a toy store while the Sunnydale Mall collapsed around him. Now he’s suddenly in LA, and very, very ghost like. To make matters worse, he’s re-materialised right in the middle of tall, dark and plastic hair’s desk. Of all the luck…

“Gordo,” Ken spits out.

“Ken.”

The distrust and loathing’s mutual, and sets the course of their relationship over the next few months. The only one on Ken’s team that has any sort of sympathy at all is Feigenbaum, who is kind and sweet, not meant for these dark halls, and prone to humping anything not bolted down (it’s a rabbit thing).

When Mr Gordo finally becomes corporeal again, the first thing he does is shag Feigenbaum. It’s quick, meaningless, and leaves him feeling oddly unfulfilled. Even now it seems, it’s still all about her. At least they’re spared the awkward discussion afterwards. Feigenbaum just hops off table when it’s done and starts dry humping the swivel chair.

He hates Ken and he hates LA, but when Feigenbaum humps a sarcophagus and an ancient Smurf-God-King takes residence in the shell, everything changes. Mr Gordo realises he has a place here.

Before he knows it, he’s rescuing a sweet little Baby Bjorn from the Mattel Brethren, and standing in a rain soaked alley waiting for the end of the world. Minutes from certain death, there’s a resounding clap of thunder and a portal appears. Miss Edith jumps out, followed by hundreds of her newly empowered porcelain army.

She stops dead when she sees him. “Gordo? You’re… alive.”

“What? Raggedy Andy didn’t tell you?”

But there’s no time for more because the battle’s ferocious. When it’s over, and they’ve immerged miraculously victorious, she seeks him out.

“Gordo?” Miss Edith gestures to the portal opening behind her. “We could use you on our team if you want to come back with us.”

He sees the yearning in her eyes, feels an overwhelming pull towards her, but then he notices the shattered remains of their army. Ken’s sitting on the ground, still in shock by the fact he’s got real boy hair now, and the thing that was Feigenbaum is staring blankly at the carnage, completely lost.

“I need to stay here,” he whispers softly. “There are things I need to take care of.”

Miss Edith nods, just a little sadly, “Goodbye Gordon,” and the portal blinks closed. Mr Gordo stares wistfully at the spot where it stood, and turns to face his future

“Your heart aches for the porcelain one yet you remain here. I do not understand.”

“It’s a little bit more complicated than that.”

“I think I wish to do more humping.”

And there it is; that tiny little sign that somewhere inside of the shell, a trace of Feigenbaum still remains. The reason he needs to stay here.

“C’mon Blue,” he says as he slings an arm around her. “Let’s go get Ken settled and find something for you to hump.”

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

Crossover with The Vampire Diaries - Through some shenanigans, Angel ends up meeting Stefan and Lexi. Stefan and Angel compare tortured histories and try to out-brood each other and Lexi mocks them. Obviously.

[gillo]

There must be penguins.

Eloping with Mr Gordo.

[snickfic]

So are we talking a threesome here? Or is Mr. Gordo just along for the ride?

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

Doctor Who crossovers - The Doctor accidentally loses his key to the TARDIS and it turns out that Dawn is the only Key that can open it again

Relative dimensions in space, part 1/2

[laeria.livejournal.com]

[S6 Doctor Who spoilers]

So, she's being stalked by a leggy redhead, okay. She'd been stalked by worse things. She takes out her cell and considers calling in the cavalry, but it kinda goes against her ideals of pacifism and sororal autonomy.

She grips her phone and turns sharply.

"What do you want? If you're thinking of holding me hostage, you should know that kind of thing never ends well."

"No," says the girl. She's around Dawn's age and dressed for California, not Chicago. "Nothing like that. I just, you need to come with me. It's - I need a favour."

"Define favour."

"I need you to stick your hand somewhere, okay?"

Dawn blushes, then leers (it's her new defense mechanism, she got it from Spike.) "Does that pickup line work in Scotland?"

Her stalker glares and starts drawling sarcastically, which, okay, hot. "My husband and my best friend have been kidnapped by my daughter, who doesn't know who they are yet and has been brainwashed to hate them by a secret alien organisation since birth. I can't get into my bloody spaceship without you and I don't know how I'll save them anyway, except by going back in time, except that may rip the universe apart again. My name is Amy Pond and I snogged Elvis once, and it's not like you believe me, so -" she's holding out a gun (when even did she take it out "please just come with me."

Dawn looks at the gun, then at the purple rings under Amy's eyes. Aliens. Huh.

"Okay. I'll come with you. Put that down." Amy does, weirdly, and Dawn sees she's shaking. "Your daughter, huh? Evil toddler?"

Amy glares, like she knows she's being humoured, then shrugs. "Time travel. Wacky fun for everyone. Just - come with me, okay? I need to think."

Dawn follows, weighing her odds. If Amy's crazy - well, there's always the cavalry, or at least they can avenge her. If Amy isn't...

"Good kisser?"

"Hmm?"

"Elvis. Was he a good kisser?"

"Not really. Too much drool. Van Gogh was way better."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. It's kind of a secret though."

"Safe with me."

Novembers are cold in Chicago. Dawn sinks her hands in her pockets and wishes she could give Amy a hat or something.

The spaceship is a box, and Dawn's kinda discouraged. But she touches it where Amy tells her to. There's nothing, for a moment, and it's kinda tense because what if Amy goes on a rampage, but then something green happens and Dawn's falling...

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

Crossover with Veronica Mars - Veronica and Buffy end up investigating the same "case" and have to team up to save the world while their snarky boyfriends (Logan and Spike, obvs) commiserate about life with tiny blonde heroes who think they have to save everyone

Like Chihuahuas 1/1

[smells_corrupt.livejournal.com]

“You know what the worst part is? Veronica is always going off without telling anybody where she’s going, or how long she’ll be gone, and the only thing she has for protection is a taser! It’s like she thinks the world’s going to end if she stops long enough to take simple precautions!”

“Buffy’s the same way. Except, sometimes if she stops for precautions, the whole world actually could end…”

“Is it the height? Do they think they have to prove they’re just as tough as the big guys?”

“What, like Chihuahuas?”

“Yes. Exactly like that! Our girlfriends are Chihuahuas.”

“Least yours knows how to use a gun.”

“Least yours has superpowers.”

“Least yours doesn’t fight nasty hulking demons.”

“Clearly you’ve never been to Neptune. ‘Demonic in origin’ would actually make sense.”

“Neptune? Tiny little town, money, murders, always in the news? That’s where you’re from?”

“The very same. Veronica too.”

“Huh. That explains a lot. Ever think maybe there’s a hellmouth there?”

“Excuse me? A what-mouth?”

“Hellmouth. Kind of an, uh, epicenter for evil.”

“Jesus. Hell has a mouth now?”

“More than one.”

“I think I need a drink. Want one?”

“Just a small one. I’m hoping Buffy will let me in on the fight, but if she catches a whiff of alcohol and it’ll be ‘if you fight dunk we’ll end up with an angry handless demon instead of a dead headless one.’”

“That kind of thing happen often?”

“Just the once. And I think she was actually more upset about getting demon blood in hair. It was blue for a week. How close were they to ready when you left?”

“Not sure. Buffy was asking if she could borrow Veronica’s taser when this whole thing’s over. Something about cattle prods and revenge?”

“Fuck.”

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

Crossover with Being Human - Ghost!Spike (in AtS S5) gets some advice on ghostly living from Annie

[snickfic]

Angelus - Cracky Crossover - Angelus is in London and he needs a shave, so he goes to Sweeney Todd's. There's much wariness, and also bonding over a mutual appreciation of necks.

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

Crossover with Parks and Recreation - Leslie decides that since the last penguin marriage was a rousing success (er...didn't turn out too bad) to do it again. Only this time the penguins are Buffy and Spike, and of course things get out of hand.

THAT'S RIGHT. PARKS AND REC SPUFFY PENGUIN FIC.

[gabrielleabelle.livejournal.com]

Ack! WANT!

[brutti-ma-buoni.livejournal.com]

Animal adversaries: Xander does indeed discover that it's the bunnies.

Because it's always about the bunnies...

[anviloverheaven.livejournal.com]

Going with the whole 'all the slayers are living in a castle in Scotland after Chosen' thing.


“They’re nought but vermin.” Duncan glares out the window at the countless fuzzy grey and brown blobs defiling the castle’s immaculate lawn. “Ought to be destroyed.”

Xander has no reply; all of his energy is focused on the Slayers and the mysterious sickness leeching them of their powers.

“Leave ‘em alone. The girls think they’re cute.”

***

The first time it happens Xander puts it down to stress.

The hot water’s running while he shaves three days’ worth of growth from his face. He cleans his razor under the flow and taps it against the side of the sink. When he looks up, he realises his left hand is working of its own accord, tracing patterns in the fogged up mirror. He pulls his hand back with a yelp and stares at the half formed words across the surface.

“Floppy, hoppy bu...”

***

The next time it happens he’s not alone; he’s in the music room trying to convince Fiona to rest. He walks over to the piano and all of a sudden he’s quite the accomplished musician. His fingers fly across the keys and Fiona finally sits down, singing along softly as he plays.

“Bright eyes, burning like fire. Bright eyes, how can you close and fail.”

When he finishes playing, Fiona’s asleep. He pulls her into his arms and takes her to join the rest of the Slayer’s in the sick wing.

Willow and Dawn are heavy lidded over the books, and Giles just shakes his head. “We’ve nothing yet.”

He doesn’t tell them about the Garfunkel channelling. There are more important things to be dealt with here.

***

Xander’s now the strongest in the castle. They call him when Andrew gets stuck in the library, books flying angrily around his head. The books stop when Xander steps into the room, one volume dropping right at his feet, but Andrew’s been knocked out in the whirlwind and he’s too busy rushing to his side to pay any attention to the works of Beatrix Potter.

***

Willow thinks he has a spirit haunting him. She says it’s not really malevolent, even though Andrew was out for half a day, and apparently it feels “almost kinda familiar.” The conversation’s cut short when the television in the corner of the room springs suddenly to life.

“Meh, what’s up doc?”

Willow turns the television off.

“Meh, what’s up doc?”

Xander unplugs it from the wall.

“Meh, what’s up doc?”

Willow shrugs. “Really not malevolent. Just… maybe a little annoying at times?”



and because I went over comment limit, the rest is here: http://anviloverheaven.livejournal.com/3725.html

[brutti-ma-buoni.livejournal.com]

Androids/Robots: There's a Harmony!bot loose on the mean streets of wherever it is.

[griphynne916.livejournal.com]

“Hello, my name is Harmony! I used to be a cheerleader but now I am a vampire. Which is cool and all because you get to be young forever, only now I don’t get to be tan and pasty skin sucks, like, a lot. Also, I really like unicorns but I think that might be kinda weird now cuz they basically have this big pointy stake attached to their head but I don’t think it’s made out of wood so I’d probably be safe if I ever met one in person but I’m probably gonna have to get rid of all my collectibles and I have some really adorable ones. Also, I was thinking that I really have got to, like, give myself a total makeover. I was totally a Spring/Summer but maybe I should reconsider that and try out the Winter palette, except it’s soooo much black, you know? And I just don’t think that black leather is exactly my look, although you should see my boyfriend he’s totally hot, well, y’know, for a vampire, does that make him totally cold instead? He has this awesome leather coat but he never lets me touch it, and it’s so soft and he totally got it off this Slayer that he killed a really long time ago. And… I’m sorry, what was that Mr. Angel, sir? Do I know who Willow is? Yes, she is the lesbian, which of course, is totally awesome, go her, but not really for me cuz there would just be too much competition with another woman and how would I know what to do… and… yes, sir, I understand. Yes, I agree, this isn’t funny, not at all, not in the least bit. Yes, sir, I am powering down now, thank you sir.”

[brutti-ma-buoni.livejournal.com]

mpreg: Lorne didn't see this one coming. And he's a very long way from a Pylean midwife.

[snickfic]

Spike/Buffy - historical AU - Spike's an outlaw cowboy vamp and Buffy's the one sharpshooter in all the world who can stop him.

[brutti-ma-buoni.livejournal.com]

Time travel: Illyria transports Wesley back in time, to before Fred is infected. (I'm thinking maybe Groundhog Day failing to save her, but whatever this leads to is good.)

[snickfic]

Author Self-Insertion (sort of) - Slayer of your choice battles vamp/monster/whatever in some venue you personally know really well (your backyard, the local movie theater, whatever)

[snickfic]

Faith - wingfic - A vampire in Pylea turns all spiky; it turns out a Slayer in Pylea gets bonus wings. Which makes Faith some freaky kind of angel, right?

[laeria.livejournal.com]

Um, everything about this prompt WINS AT LIFE.

[snickfic]

Spike - time travel - S7!Spike goes back to S2 for some Macguffin, and ends up asking, ah, himself for help.

[gryfndor-godess.livejournal.com]

Isn't this one of your WIP? What is a Macguffin, please?

[brutti-ma-buoni.livejournal.com]

Wesley - doppelganger - Wes is the only major character not to have an alter ego in canon. I want to know who he would have been. (Robots are optional, so is genderswap. Or tentacles.)

[spuffy-noelle.livejournal.com]

I love this prompt!!

[brutti-ma-buoni.livejournal.com]

Giles or ensemble - inanimate object AU - the Vampyr tome is pretty important in the Watchers' world. You thought it was just a book?

[brutti-ma-buoni.livejournal.com]

Blackadder crossover - Bob the Vampire Slayer

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

If nobody else grabs this before Monday, I'm so writing it.

[beer-good-foamy.livejournal.com]

With most of the tweedy old watchers dead and active Slayers all around the globe needing standardised recommendations, the new organisation decides to switch to Metric. Chaos ensues.

European Tour (Giles&Faith), metric conversion, PG

[brutti-ma-buoni.livejournal.com]

"Threescore leagues boreal from-"

"Hold on. I gotta Google… So that's 4.828 kilometers times uh-"

"Sixty. Faith, if you're not even going to learn the basics, I'm going to have to find another leader for this mission."

"G, I'm learning. I'm trying to learn. But this metric shit's a bitch, and your spell-books aren't helping. Seems like it's just made to be confusing as fuck. I was multiplying scruples by 21 yesterday, and the solar battery on my calculator died. We had, like, fifty-seven times too many pixies dead by the end, and that's just wasteful. So shut up, and let me work it out."

289.68 kilometers north of Hamburg, they were in the outskirts of Aarhus…

"Is this mystical? It doesn't look mystical. Kinda… suburban." Faith looked doubtfully at the neat housing.

Giles tore at his hair. "But we turned widdershins at midnight. The moon was in the House of Atreus. We walked exactly seventy-two feet… Oh, bollocks."

Faith began to laugh, anticipating, even as he was thumbing through the book of historical measurements. "Some kind of measurement issue, G?"

"The prophecy was written in February 1870 which was… dammit. Five weeks before Wuerttemberg adopted the metric system. I was calculating based on the Baden foot of 30 cm, but this should be 286.49mm which multiplied by… Give me that map."

It took a lot of swearing before he came up with an answer. Then another long, long pause before he said it aloud. Faith contemplated the crappy interior of the hire car meantime, for enough time to appreciate the poorly-hidden cigarette burn on the sun visor and weave a complex, fairly pornographic, story of how exactly someone came to rest a lit cig at exactly that angle.

Giles spoke, eventually. "Faith. I'm sorry, Faith. We should be in Spain."

"Whatever." Faith shrugged. She liked driving.

***

[laeria.livejournal.com]

Willow and Wesley - Rosenberg and Wyndham-Pryce are dead (bonus points for Hamlet!Angel)

[laeria.livejournal.com]

Buffy/Spike (or William) - gladiator AU - He's the soppy poet. (Or, like, Catullus.) She has 37 wins. Maybe there's a lion.

[penny-lane-42.livejournal.com]

Marry me.

[laeria.livejournal.com]

Oz - he's not a werewolf, he's part Veela.

[laeria.livejournal.com]

Anya(/Xander) - timeloop - she has to watch her wedding crumble over and over and over again and she's starting to think there's a lesson in this

[brutti-ma-buoni.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I like this.