Oh, Buffy

[snick_backup]

Confession: I don't really get Buffy the character. Me being a nerdy sort, Willow made sense to me from ep 1; I felt instant affinity with Dawn; I find Giles a bit intimidating to write, but I think I have a pretty good grasp of how he thinks; ditto Oz; Spike's actually a remarkably straightforward guy, given some basic premises; I even sort of sometimes understand Angel, who mostly just irritates me.

But Buffy remains a mystery. I think it's partly a forest-for-the-trees problem; she's so much the center of the show that in a lot of ways I have trouble seeing her. But I think it's also largely that ex-cheerleader, girly-girl thing she has going on that's pretty much the definition of "not me." And although I can have ditzy spells, they're usually more of the Willow variety.

I get that she's courageous in filling a role that she had no choice in taking, and making it her own. She's resiliant in the face of losing everything (see "Becoming"). She's generally unflinching in doing whatever she thinks it's her duty to do. But those are the big, season-finale traits; on a day-to-day level I just can't get inside her head.

And, frankly, fic hasn't been much help. Either I'm reading the wrong things, I'm not fully grasping the Buffy portrayals in what I am reading, or fandom doesn't get her, either (although I suspect it's at least a smidgen of all three). Um, suggestions? What should I be reading that'll show me Buffy? I don't usually read Buffy/Angel - does it generally do a good job with this aspect? Is there another pairing I should be looking at? Are there gen fics out there that'd help? Is there awesome Buffy-centric meta that I should know about?

I actually didn't start this as a "help me!" post, but it sort of turned out that way. Oops.

Comments

[cafedemonde.livejournal.com]

Try some of the Barbverse at www.teaatheford.net

She has a good grasp on Buffy

[snickfic]

I think the last time I looked at the Barbverse at all I was focused on Spike (common problem *g*), so I'll try again with Buffy in mind. Thank you for the link!

[rebcake.livejournal.com]

I'm gonna toot my own horn, because people have specifically told me that my seasonal_spuffy story helped them "get" Buffy. It's here:

http://community.livejournal.com/seasonal_spuffy/293165.html

or on Bloodshedverse. I absolutely get what you're saying about the girly-girl issue, since that's not me either. The way I see it, Buffy is using that persona as a cover, even to herself. She says she wants to be normal, but we can all see it's not true. She loves the power and freedom of being the Slayer, but is (rightly, I think) afraid to give in to it whole-heartedly. Why? Because she's a smart girl, and she knows the pitfalls of absolute power. (At least until the comics.)

I used to be in an all-girl punk band, and while none of us could be called cheerleader-types, we did revel in the fun of being girls. Tours were also thrift-shopping expeditions, a lot of rehearsal time was spent dissecting the latest romance, and the hair experiments were, um, interesting. I remember overhearing some girls (Mission Mamas) scoffing at a some other girls (Divas) for their fashion choices. "Oh," the MMs sniffed, "How silly to be into fashion." I looked at their identical "poverty is cool" outfits in shades of gray and black, then at the Divas in their matching boom-boom ensembles of white and pink. Although my "poverty is cool" outfit was closer to theirs, I thought the MMs were being awfully silly to think they were above the fray, when really, they wouldn't be caught dead in another tribe's plumage, just as the Divas wouldn't. Same thing underneath, just from a different neighborhood, you know?

I guess I'm trying to say (in a very roundabout way) that you shouldn't let the surface of Buffy fool you. That's part of the point Joss was making. Book isn't cover. Little blond girl isn't what she seems.

That said, I think Buffy becomes much more opaque after Joyce's death (finishing the process started by Angelus). Having dealt with unexpected tragedy, I recognize Buffy's impulse to pull inward, which can last a long, long time. There are really two Buffys, in a way. The early "I'm just playing" Buffy, and the later "I'm taking care of business" Buffy, but they overlap.

I'm in danger of hitting the comment limit, so I'll stop flapping and bow out.

[snickfic]

The way I see it, Buffy is using that persona as a cover, even to herself.

Hmm. I think if I think of it that way, it might help me a lot. I want her to be intelligent and resourceful and confident, and in fact she is all those things as the Slayer. She just doesn't come across that way as a girl. I'm always a bit hesitant to ascribe motives to characters that they don't themselves seem to be aware of (example: every Spuffy fic ever in which Buffy spends two-thirds of it in denial about being attracted to Spike, during a period in canon where there's no evidence that she was attracted to Spike), but in this case I think that might be a really useful angle to look at things from.

I was watching "The Freshmen" (S4 opener) the other day, and part of what struck me, again, was that the turning point from overwhelmed, frustrated Buffy to transitioning, confident Buffy was when she maanged to put down Sunday's vamp gang. She was more terrified of college than she was of the vamps, even though she didn't seem to be having any success at dealing with either; but when she beat the vamps literally single-handedly, all her fears about school went away, too. Being the Slayer is where she finds her identity. I'd almost like to go back and watch S1 and see how that progression happens (except I don't own S1 because, oh my goodness, the cheese!).

Is that kind of what you meant, or am I off on a different track entirely?

Oddly enough, I find that Buffy makes more sense to me in her broken stages, such as during the Angelus thing and after Joyce's death, and all through S6. I can relate to her there where I can't relate to "I'm just playing" Buffy.

I'll stop flapping and bow out.

But thank you so much for commenting! This is really why I'm in fandom - because I want to think these things out with folks willing to think about them for as long as I am (and longer!). *smishes*

[moscow-watcher.livejournal.com]

Try "Unspoken" by Anaross

http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=anaross&keyword=Unspoken&filter=all

It's Buffy's POV and it captures her voice brilliantly.

[snickfic]

Ooh! Brilliant Buffy voice might be just what I need! I remember reading this a while back but I wasn't paying attention that in particular, so clearly I need to read it again.

Thank you!