Oh, Buffy

Confession: I don't really get Buffy the character. Me being a nerdy sort, Willow made sense to me from ep 1; I felt instant affinity with Dawn; I find Giles a bit intimidating to write, but I think I have a pretty good grasp of how he thinks; ditto Oz; Spike's actually a remarkably straightforward guy, given some basic premises; I even sort of sometimes understand Angel, who mostly just irritates me.

But Buffy remains a mystery. I think it's partly a forest-for-the-trees problem; she's so much the center of the show that in a lot of ways I have trouble seeing her. But I think it's also largely that ex-cheerleader, girly-girl thing she has going on that's pretty much the definition of "not me." And although I can have ditzy spells, they're usually more of the Willow variety.

I get that she's courageous in filling a role that she had no choice in taking, and making it her own. She's resiliant in the face of losing everything (see "Becoming"). She's generally unflinching in doing whatever she thinks it's her duty to do. But those are the big, season-finale traits; on a day-to-day level I just can't get inside her head.

And, frankly, fic hasn't been much help. Either I'm reading the wrong things, I'm not fully grasping the Buffy portrayals in what I am reading, or fandom doesn't get her, either (although I suspect it's at least a smidgen of all three). Um, suggestions? What should I be reading that'll show me Buffy? I don't usually read Buffy/Angel - does it generally do a good job with this aspect? Is there another pairing I should be looking at? Are there gen fics out there that'd help? Is there awesome Buffy-centric meta that I should know about?

I actually didn't start this as a "help me!" post, but it sort of turned out that way. Oops.

Oh, Buffy

Confession: I don't really get Buffy the character. Me being a nerdy sort, Willow made sense to me from ep 1; I felt instant affinity with Dawn; I find Giles a bit intimidating to write, but I think I have a pretty good grasp of how he thinks; ditto Oz; Spike's actually a remarkably straightforward guy, given some basic premises; I even sort of sometimes understand Angel, who mostly just irritates me.

But Buffy remains a mystery. I think it's partly a forest-for-the-trees problem; she's so much the center of the show that in a lot of ways I have trouble seeing her. But I think it's also largely that ex-cheerleader, girly-girl thing she has going on that's pretty much the definition of "not me." And although I can have ditzy spells, they're usually more of the Willow variety.

I get that she's courageous in filling a role that she had no choice in taking, and making it her own. She's resiliant in the face of losing everything (see "Becoming"). She's generally unflinching in doing whatever she thinks it's her duty to do. But those are the big, season-finale traits; on a day-to-day level I just can't get inside her head.

And, frankly, fic hasn't been much help. Either I'm reading the wrong things, I'm not fully grasping the Buffy portrayals in what I am reading, or fandom doesn't get her, either (although I suspect it's at least a smidgen of all three). Um, suggestions? What should I be reading that'll show me Buffy? I don't usually read Buffy/Angel - does it generally do a good job with this aspect? Is there another pairing I should be looking at? Are there gen fics out there that'd help? Is there awesome Buffy-centric meta that I should know about?

I actually didn't start this as a "help me!" post, but it sort of turned out that way. Oops.